The Cage Door has Swung Open

Last night the proverbial fog lifted. I saw a concert on a beautiful summer night in Central Park. This British band Keane was playing, and they were really fantastic. Great songwriting, great voice, great energy. There is nothing like being at a good live music show with a sold out, positive audience. It was like a wave of joy and aliveness moved through the crowd and moved right through me. I didn't even know any of the songs of the group, but I found myself singing along and being swept along on the wave.

Later on in the night, I was hanging with a couple of new friends of my girlfriend. I made a conscientious decision yesterday to start saying alot more of what I mean with people. Not worrying about how it's received. For too long, I have kept the better parts of me hidden to myself, trapped in my interior. Instead of relying on witticisms, clever jokes, and throwaway one-liners which I always know will be received well, and for me, come off low-risk, I made a decision yesterday that the quality of the relationships that I want to develop is directly dependent on my ability to speak my truth in an undiluted way.

Last night, while walking through the streets of the Lower East Side, the gauntlet I had thrown down upon myself was put to the test. I ended up walking with this young woman (my girlfriend's coworker's friend) who was depressed because she had just lost her virginity a couple of weeks ago to a guy who ended up treating her like shit. Now he wants nothing to do with her, and this just makes her more clingy, desperate, and of course, unattractive in his eyes. She was really down. What we ended up talking about was not really about relationships or any of that. We talked about how we perceive the world. I brought in some of what I had learned about consciousness, presence, and the thinking process. We talked for about a half an hour, about topics ranging from being in the moment, to noticing synchronicities, to the immensely improbable architecture of the Universe. She is a naturally curious person. In fact, I was really charmed that she keeps a little book in her pocket where she writes down interesting things she overhears during the day. Her curiosity will end up serving her very well in life.

Anyhow, my girlfriend and her other couple of friends were walking about a half-block ahead of us this whole time. When we finally caught up to them, this young woman, call her "M," said that she wanted to leave the group and walk home along. And it was a long walk for her, but she wanted to be alone with her thoughts and process all of what we talked about. She wasn't sad. It was just like her mind was cracked open and she was inspired. And she wanted to go home and write down all that had transpired. Her close friend thanked me for cheering M. up and told me that M. never walks around alone. Before she left, she smiled at me with enthusiasm and innocence and said, "Wow, can we meet like every week and you can tutor me on life?!:" She was half-joking, but clearly enjoyed hearing what I had to say. And I was content that I had that kind of effect on her. By just telling her my true thoughts, what I had learned, and what was on my mind. Not diluting myself for public consumption.

I feel the fog has lifted that has been on me for the last couple of weeks. It's all a matter of not repressing the truth of who I am. Creatively, socially, not in any way. Otherwise I feel like a tiger in a cage, pacing back and forth, wanting to claw at anything that goes by. And that's no way to live.

When my eyes are open, life is such a JOY!